Monday, September 28, 2009

Old Chevrolet vs New Chevrolet, Who Wins?

Behold, the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety's celebration of their fiftieth anniversary.

They decided to demonstrate, visually, just how far car safety has come since 1959.

So, naturally, they smacked a 1959 Chevrolet Bel Air sedan into a brand new 2009 Chevrolet Malibu.

That, in my mind, is rather like throwing a typewriter and a computer off a building to see which one will work after the drop.

Neither one of course. And you just destroyed an antique, you twit.

I'll digress so that you can watch the video. In a nice show of symmetry they simulated a 50mph offset head on crash. Only the first few seconds have sound, but it's still strangely satisfying.




Now that you're done with that, I'm assuming you watched it, I'll sum a few things up.

The driver in the silver car almost walked away, only suffering "slight knee injury."

The driver of the brown car "died instantly."

Why? The steering column (what the wheel is attached too) wasn't of the collapsible variety and airbags were about fifteen years or so away. So, when the cars struck, a massive, solid metal, horn button rushed up to the man's head.

That would be like having a steel baseball hitting your head at 50mph.

Of course, the old car fanatics are quite pissed that the IIHS decided to ruin a classic car. I'm a bit miffed myself, if only because my theory of old cars being safer now has a large, Malibu sized, dent in it.

All the same, the IIHS need to test a Lamborghini next. Why? Because it's a very fast car and it might get them away from the mob of gear-heads out for their blood. So for the threatened scientists, overdrive is necessary.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Ethel, You Are Sorely Missed

Behold, my first car, a 1971 Lincoln Continental Mark III.

Unfortunately, it never ran; because someone in it's life decided to overhaul the electrics in it and did it completely wrong. Since there is probably close to a mile of wiring in it, there was no way for me to easily fix it.

But how I miss this car. We had to sell it when me moved.

Though it's been designed with a ruler, it still has some style. Chrome, but not too much of it. Unfortunately, the headlight covers are missing from mine.

The hump at the rear is a styling cue that goes back to the original Continental. It's meant to suggest a spare rear tire, also called a continental kit.

This is the heart, a 460 cubic inch displacement(or 7.5 liter) V-8 engine.

That engine was rated at 365 horsepower, which I would say is a very conservative number. Why? Because the torque figure is at 500ft-lb. It was common in the sixties and early seventies for companies to intentionally lower their official figures for insurance purposes.

So what happened to her? We sold her to a friend, who was going to take the engine out and put it in a smaller race car. The body was going to get crushed, most likely.

That saddens me, because the body was almost perfect and it had most of the trim.

I want another one of these.

I can see it cruising down the highway, fading red sunlight glinting off the chrome, where overdrive is necessary.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

The God of Style Must Punish Thee

Behold, the 1956 Dodge La Femme. It's a car that was designed to appeal directly to the American woman of the 1950s.

It's also one of the worst, most disgusting, cars that has ever been made.

The '56 Dodge is a good looking car. The La Femme edition is an exercise in bad taste. Just look at the colors. Misty Orchid for the body and Regal Orchid for the trunk, top and fins.

Chrysler products of the Fifties were known for their, relatively, restrained design. Ignore the paint, and you have a handsome hardtop coupe.

Compared to the '57 to '59 models, the rear end is fairly low key.



Yes, the interior is pink. And yes, the dashboard is made of metal. That is the only plus to this nightmare.

The seats. The front seats have two boxes, or buckets if you will, attached to the back of them. They were for the matching raincoat, rain hat and umbrella that came with the car.

There are those out there who like, even love, this car. I am not one of them. I believe that designing a car, or any product, around a stereotype is one of the worst things a company can do.

However, if you're interested, this is the site I found these pictures on. They also have more information on the car: The Dodge La Femme.

This is a car that one must drive quickly, so that one isn't seen in it. As such, overdrive is necessary.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Power, Courtesy of the Germans

This is a revamp, so lets start out with something completely outrageous to cleanse the palate, shall we?

Behold, the 2010 Brabus E V12. It's a Mercedes-Benz that went to Hell and sold its soul for more power.

The license plate has the name and "One of Ten" underneath. Having this appear in your mirror at speeds of around 230mph would be like watching a wheeled cannonball flying at you.


Even it's rear end looks angry and might eat the poor car behind it.

But, here's what really caught my eye:
It has fender skirts. That is, quite simply, awesome.

However, it's cool factor is negated by two things. One: you can tell that it's carbon fiber. That's unnecessarily showy, it should be glossy black like rest of the car. Black is cool, but large wheel covers of carbon fiber means you're trying too hard.

The second thing? Brabus calls them "Speed Spads." What the hell? It sound like corrective footwear.

Oh, and one last thing. The power I mentioned? The V12 makes 800hp and 1047ft-lb of torque.

That's enough to alter the Earth's rotation.

In other words, overdrive is necessary.