Want a Sneak Peek at Chrysler's New Model?

Behold, the new Chrysler: the Fiat 500 (2007-present).
Fiat is the Italian automaker that owns Chrysler, Dodge and Jeep. The automotive rumor mill thinks that their 500 is going to come to the U.S. as a Chrysler product.

What's they don't know is whether the 500 coming here as a re-badged Chrysler or if Chrysler is just going to sell it in their dealerships.

I'm leaning toward the second option.

Putting a Chrysler badge on this is like putting a Toyota badge on a Mustang. This 500 is a retro design based on the original Fiat 500 built from 1957-1975.

It's an iconic Italian people's car that's like the VW Beetle or the British Mini.

Naturally, the new one is just an update of the old design.
It's a good looking compact car, a rare breed in the United States.

But, if there's one thing the Italians know besides how to make pasta, it's how to style a car. Even the interior is cool.
While it's mostly plastic, it doesn't look cheap, and the red seats are a great touch.

The best 500, though, is the 500 Abarth.
It's the hot version. The base Abarth makes 135hp, which is 35 more than the standard one. It's not quite like putting a bomb in a shoebox, but it's pretty close.

The interior's great too.
A manual gearbox in a small, European, hatchback makes overdrive absolutely necessary.

It's About Damn Time

When I look at a car company and its products, I look at each product individually, and then judge it on its own merits.

I try to see how it stacks up against the competition and how it fits within a brand.

Which is why I'm so tired of the American media constantly bashing all American cars.

From the way they talk you'd think that GM, Ford, and Chrysler were building fuel sucking, unreliable pieces of junk that can barely crawl off the lot and were designed 70 years ago.

So I'm happy that Consumer Reports, high priest of reliability and self-proclaimed protector of the average buyer, has decreed that Ford is as good as Toyota or Honda.

I've been saying it for the last year and a half, but people didn't seem to believe me.

In fact, their V6 Ford Fusions, Mercury Milans, and Lincoln MKZs beat out the Toyota Camrys and Honda Accords with the same type of engine.

Unfortunately, GM went down in average quality. But their Chevrolet Malibu V6 was rated better than the Accord and Camry. Which is great for them, but they still need to bump up quality across the board.

And Chrysler?

They're almost at the bottom of the list. I'm hoping that they can get their act together quick and turn it around. I'm tired of seeing brands die.

For more in depth reading, Consumer Reports posted part of the article here.

It Floats. Really.

Behold, a better way to not drown when you drive into a lake: the Ampicar (1961-1968).

Designed by Hans Tripple it was built in Lubeck, Germany and proves that the Germans do have a sense of humor. They don't always have to build electrically complicated sports machines that have more computing power than half of NASA.

Let's face it, this is just cool, especially if you have a passenger who doesn't know it can float. Call it schadenfreude, but listening to someone scream that you're going to drown, and then finding out it floats, is amusing.

You'd just have to keep them from looking at the back.

Yes, those are propellers under the rear bumper. The engine powers them through one of the most complicated transmissions known to man. After the car hit the water, the owner had to pull a lever to send power to the propellers.

Unfortunately, it wouldn't always work. So many owners have a paddle in the back seat.

It's not the most beautiful thing in the world, but its functional.

With a maximum of 75hp, this car/boat wasn't made for anything besides cruising...slowly. But, when you're in the water, you have to steer with the front wheels. So the slow speed is probably a good thing.

But, really, this is what the car was made for:
In some ways it's the ultimate toy. It's not practical, it's not fast, it doesn't corner very well, and it's an old car, making reliability a major question.

Still, who wouldn't pay for the ability to drive a car into an ocean and live to tell the tale?

Enough Cool to Make Your Head Explode

Behold, one of the best commercials known to man: the 2005 Ford Mustang ad.

Now, at the end, it does utilize the standard and overused imagery of a car driving really fast along a road. But, this is a great example of commercials targeting a specific audience.

This was the year that Ford launched the retro-styled Mustang. They partially aimed it at the Baby Boomers because, well, Baby Boomers have money, and they'll get the reference.

The other target were car nuts. Putting Steve McQueen back in a Mustang probably made gear-heads all over the world blow out the front of their pants.




That being said, the best part of Bullit is the car chase scene. If not for that part, I believe the movie is simply average.

All the same, this is a great ad.

Honda's Rube Goldberg Spot

Behold, proof that Honda's ad men, or at least the agency they employ, have a sense of originality. It's an ad from 2003, for the Honda Accord station wagon.

Again, it's nice to see a company not going after the "it's the perfect, reliable, economical, stylish, sporty, yet affordable car your family, single individual, or couple needs."

It's a very simple idea that ended up needed over 600 takes to get it to work correctly. In addition, two prototype Accord station wagons were disassembled to make the ad.

I bet that the engineers weren't too thrilled with that idea.



Now, if only Honda would sell this car in the United States. We need more station wagons here.

Does Toyota Have a Sense of Humor?

Behold, the advertisement that answers that question with a "yes."

Or, at least, "Yes, occasionally."

Most Toyota ads in the US deal with Toyota's reliability, how it's a fuel efficient car, or that it's the best choice for a family.

In other words they're boring as hell. Informational, but they have the same excitement level as listening to your hair grow.

This ad, for their Hilux pickup (Tacoma here in the US), was made for the Australian/New Zealand market. It's from the late '90s or early 2000s.

It's also funny.




There need to be more ads like this one. Not the exact same, or even the same idea. Just something funny that demonstrates the vehicle's points.

If ads can entertain while informing customers about the product, more of a manufacturer's vehicles will drive off the dealer lot and down the road. Proving that overdrive is necessary.

GM's' Xerox Machine

Behold, an example of badge engineering gone wild: the Chevrolet Trailblazer and it's cousins (2002-2009).

By itself, the Trailblazer was a rather good SUV. It was comfortable enough, could carry a decent amount, and so on. Nothing out of this world, but not terrible.

Really, the most interesting thing about it was that had an optional inline six (I6) engine. Not a lot of truck, or cars, have those these days. Companies prefer the rougher, but more compact V6s.

This is the Chevrolet Trailblazer:
It's recognizable as a Chevrolet. It has the badge and line of chrome splitting the grill.
The back is fairly standard. We have the Chevrolet bow-tie.

Naturally, Chevrolet needed an SUV to compete in the market. It also provided the basis for a number of other models.

Like the five, yes five, vehicles built using the same body.

The GMC Envoy:
I always think of a GMC as a Chevy that costs more and has more leather. I don't see a point in the brand, let alone their vehicles. But they sell, they have a customer base, and so they naturally have a version of the Trailblazer.

The Oldsmobile Bravada:
Oldsmobile's version is slightly iffier. But the Bravada had been around since the early '90s, when it was a cousin of the smaller Blazer. So I'll give that to GM, a SUV between the Chevy and GMC made since. It filled a price point and had features common to both models.

The Buick Rainier:
Well, it came out after Oldsmobile was killed. In fact, they just took the Old's body and put a Buick grill on it. But the Buick was closer to the GMC in pricing, so GM's various divisions were starting to steal sales from each other.

That's not good, and it one of the major dangers with badge engineering.

The Isuzu Ascender:

Isuzu is known as a truck maker. However, they made cars and trucks for non-commercial consumers. But, when the Ascender came out, Isuzu had a grand total of three products to sell. Four, after this SUV.

That's why GM gave them the Ascender, to prop up sales. But, really, if you have the choice between an established brand like Chevrolet and Isuzu (and they're selling the same basic product) which one are you going to buy? There wasn't enough of a difference between the Isuzu and any of the rest to really recommend it.

And the Saab 9-7x:
The most unnecessary of all.

Saab is small Swedish company. They built sporty hatchbacks and compacts that were turbo powered with front wheel drive and had the ignition key between the front seats. Their cars were a stylish, small, and sporty way to slam into a tree and kill yourself.

Like this:
In short, they were very good cars. They had their own distinct, Swedish, personality.

So, why, why did GM give them an SUV?

Because SUVs were selling, and it seemed like a good way to prop up Saab's sales. But it didn't work. It looks like what it is, an attempt to give Saab a new product with the least amount of effort possible.

That's the danger with badge engineering, it can become a quick fix to a larger problem. Executives start thinking that if one thing is a success they can duplicate it in a slightly different form and make more money.

But it doesn't always work if the products don't fit the brand right, like the Buick or the Saab. It becomes a waste of effort and money. An effort that can seriously hurt a brand's reputation.

Overdrive is necessary––to take the Saab 9-7x off a cliff at about 90mph. Once it's done bouncing down to its final resting place, I'll take off in an old Saab 900.

How Many Badges Can I Put on That Body?

The series of The Despised is getting cut short. It has drifted into another topic, a much more important one: badge engineering.

Badge engineering is when a company takes one particular car, truck, SUV, or minivan body, changes some of the looks, parts, and interior, and markets it as a different brand.

GM, Ford, and Chrysler have done it for around 70 years. Toyota, Honda, and Nissan do it with their luxury brands. Volkswagen does it with a number of their foreign brands, ones we don't have here, like Skoda and SEAT.

Let's start with badge engineering done correctly.

Behold, the Pontiac G8 (2008-2009).




It's true that Pontiac is no longer with us, and this is a great tragedy. In the G8, General Motors finally had a fun Pontiac again, one that offered V6 and V8 engines at a reasonable price. The car was an absolute hoot to drive, and just about every car magazine labeled it as a return of the America muscle car.

It also got decent gas mileage with the smaller engines, to appease the environmentalists. The largest engine, a 6.2L V8, made 415hp and was available with a 6 speed manual. Gas mileage wasn't even a suggestion.

It was a hilarious joke.

So, how's it badge engineering?

It's an Australian car.

A Holden Commodore to be precise.

Let's say it all at once, "Twins..."

All they did was put a Pontiac split grill on the front of it and called it good.

So, why is this a good example of badge engineering? After all, they didn't do that much to it.

Simple, Holden isn't sold in America. The average consumer probably didn't know that the G8 was just a warmed over Australian product.

But, the car looks like a Pontiac, and that's important. If they tried to market the Holden as a Buick, it probably would have flopped. Buick's target customer doesn't generally care for muscular, angled sedans. Pontiac buyers do.

That's the secret with badge engineering. Companies have to find exactly which product will sell for which brand and to which customer. They have to change enough to make it an independent product, but still use the same parts to keep costs down.

It's a high stakes balancing act with a brand's perception (how it's viewed) on the line.

The G8 will live on as a Chevrolet Caprice built only as a cop car. Here it is:
However, GM won't be making one for us civilians.

But that's what police surplus auctions are for. In four, five, or six years from now one of these will be up for auction. Police cars have uprated engines with more power and better suspension.

For every lucky person that can get their hands on one, that makes overdrive necessary.

The Despised: Part Three

Behold, the third part of the cars that must roast in the fires of mediocrity.

The segment is the minivan.

The subject is the Volkswagen Routan (2008-Present).

Now, the minivan is a dying breed. First, the SUV wounded it and then the sudden appearance of crossovers drove a stake into it's heart.

But, Volkswagen is trying to triple their US sales. So they're attacking every segment of the market. The result?

This:
Now, in terms of minivan style, it's not terrible. It looks like a Volkswagen, it has the massive badge and upturned grill.

Not great. But not a car that makes you scream,"Oh God, kill it now."
Really, it's similar to an SUV in its proportions. The front and back are slightly more squared off.

Volkswagen's designers knew what they were doing, right?

Nope. Volkswagen had very little to do with this. So, the question is, who did?

Well, take a look.
Hmm, different face, same body.

The same is true at the back.
The two have slightly different tailgates, but it's still the same rear.

And the interior?

Here's Volkswagen's
And here's Dodge's.

Yeah, change the vents and the GPS screen and it's the same thing. It's disgusting, revolting, and incredibly lazy.

Volkswagen wants to triple their market share, good for them. It's stupid though, because the US isn't the biggest market for cars anymore, that's China and India. But whatever, let the fine folks at VW do what they want.

However, don't peddle this Dodge in drag.

All Volkswagen did was change the looks a little and fiddle with the suspension to make it "their" model. But that's not much.

The Routan is built on the same assembly line as the Dodge. Side by side they go down the line, getting their parts, and then they get shipped off to compete against each other in the sales room.

It's infuriating. Especially when Volkswagen thought about doing this:

It's their Microbus concept from 2001. They actually planned to build a production model that would look something like this.

But they killed it in 2005. They said it would cost too much. So they called Chrysler and struck a deal.

Now they peddle the Routan, a Chrysler built minivan that doesn't even have the great features of a Chrysler minivan. If you want the fancy flip down table, or the swiveling chairs, of the Chrysler vans, you can't get it with the Volkswagen.

It's like buying a racehorse and then breaking its legs.

So, no, overdrive isn't necessary.

However, an I-beam falling from the sky, crushing the Volkswagen Routan like a tin can? That is necessary.

Edit: For a different, and much more positive view, of the Routan visit A Routan Owner's Blog.

The Despised: Part Two

Behold, the second part of the exploration of what cars should burn in an Automotive Hades.

Our segment this time? The four-door sedan.

The subject is the Mercedes-Benz CLS (2004-Present).

No, it's not a bad looking car. Not at all. In fact, it's quite nice looking. The slightly awkward headlights are the only thing that keep it from being beautiful.

The back is quite nice as well.
The line running down the side, just over the door handles, really helps emphasize this car's length. It's quite sleek and stylish.

So why does it deserve to burn for over a thousand years? Well, let's look at it from profile.
There are four doors on this car. That, naturally, makes it a four-door sedan. Simple, yes?

No. Mercedes-Benz single-handedly managed to make a new market segment with this car. They call it a four door coupe.

Now, a coupe is a two-door car. If it has four doors, it's a sedan. This is how the world has worked since the automobile was first invented.

Calling this a four-door coupe is like calling a house cat a lion. Yes, the cat may hunt. But it can't run down a zebra.

This car may have a plunging roof-line, but it's not a coupe.

That is why this car must roast, it made a market segment our of thin air. People want different vehicles, that's a fact. That's why the car market has turned into a mishmash of SUVs, CUVs, station wagons, hatchbacks, sedans, coupes, and various styles of trucks.

It's how the free market works. But when a company markets a product as something it's not, it cannot be ignored. Retribution must occur.

So, naturally, others retaliated.

By doing the same thing.

Like Porsche with its Panamera.

And Aston Martin, with its Rapide.


Even Volkswagen got in on the game.
It's called the Passat CC. The "CC" stands for Comfort Coupe

Audi and BMW are supposedly going to come out with one each.

See, it's a virus. Create a ridiculous, pointless market niche and people will just flood into it.

I'm not saying these are bad cars. Actually, all are quite good. However, the segment that they're in, that's ridiculous. When someone creates a niche that's totally unnecessary, it's the sign of a marketing man not trying hard enough.

So, no, overdrive isn't necessary.

However, a large mallet to pound some sense into the marketing men around the world? That is necessary.

The Desiped: Part One

Behold, a short collection of five vehicles that should be thrown into the deepest level of car hell. All five are from different segments of the market.

The first? The Chrysler TC by Maserati (1989-1991).

In the late '80s the CEO of Chrysler, Lee Iacocca (the man who saved the company the first go round) decided that the Chrysler brand needed a "halo car."

A halo car is a model that will, supposedly, be so incredibly great that its aura of awesomeness will extend down through the model line.

So, Iacocca called up his friend Alejandro de Tomaso (the man who owned Maserati at the time) and asked him if he was busy. Regrettably, de Tomaso said no.

This is what they came up with.
It's a convertible, though this particular picture has it with the detachable hard top on.
Here it is with it off. Now, this has a manual, repeat manual, convertible top. On a cheap little convertible, that makes sense.

This wasn't cheap, it cost $30 thousand. That's like saying, "Yes, I want my 6o grand Mercedes, with GPS. But I don't want power windows or locks."

If the car was sporty, in any possible way, it might make sense.

But it wasn't. This car was front engine, front wheel drive, and based off the K Car platform. If you don't know what a K Car is, take a look at this:

Yes, that just screams "sporty, Italian built, convertible material."

But maybe if the interior was any good it could be justifiable.

Nope. Plastic fake wood veneer and chintzy plastic air vents don't equate luxury.

Aside from the interior, it's not such a bad looking car, but it's just not a good idea. It cheapened the Maserati brand and made Chrysler look like a bunch of overpriced, overreaching idiots.

Chrysler killed it when sales bombed. They wanted to sell between 5 and 10 thousand a year. Over the three years it existed they sold 7 thousand, total.

So, no, overdrive isn't necessary.

However, a large pack of C4 explosive next to the gas tank? That is necessary.

Build It, Ford. Build It Now.

Behold, Ford's rear-wheel drive concept car from 2007: the Ford Interceptor.

Now, I'll admit, it's not the most beautiful car in the world. Actually, it looks like someone may have dropped the clay model on its nose and they decided that they liked the squashed look.

Even still, this is a design that just works. It's not a rolling piece of sculpture like an old Jag, or even a new, modern, angled design like what Cadillac's doing. It's a new interpretation on the muscle cars of the '60s.

It's power, stamped in metal.
The front end is like a locomotive: blunt, wide, and terrifying to see bearing down on you at around a 100mph. However, if it looks somewhat familiar it's because almost all Ford cars have a very similar grill.

They're just much, much shinier.

The rear end is actually one of the nicest parts of the car.
The rear is just as sawed off as the front. But, it's cleaner. There's just a chrome line running the width of the car, and two large, but simple, taillights.

The interior's simple too. But that doesn't mean it's not a nice place.
It's black leather, with metal trim. Real metal, mind you, not the face plastic junk that used to be in a lot of cars. Granted, if they ever built it (which they should) that would change. But it just looks so nice.

And yes, the headrests are mounted to the roof.

Now, in case you didn't notice it, that is a manual shifter sitting in the console. To go with the Interceptor's 5.0L V8, Ford put in a 6-speed manual transmission. Why?

Because the RWD sport sedan is a very popular market segment. All the German companies, even Porsche now, have sport sedans. The British have them. The Japanese (except Honda) have have them with their luxury marques.

Ford doesn't.

Well, technically, they do. But the Crown Victoria and its multiple offshoots don't count. The chassis that they're built on is 30 years old, and the car hasn't been updated since 1998. It's ancient and valuable only to cabbies.

Ford needs to build this, they need a RWD sedan. This is a viable option, if they could just find the time and money. But mostly the money.
Make a Lincoln version of this and all will be well in the world.

All they have to do is just tweak the design a little, and make it a little prettier, a little curvier, for the average consumer.

But they have to keep the engine. It has 400hp on tap. That definitely makes overdrive necessary.

Style, Courtesy of the British

Behold, a wonderful example of British engineering: the Bentley R Continental (1952-1955).

It's rolling artwork, an inline-six powered masterpiece. This is when form was greater than function, when "styling" was used instead of "design."

Gaze upon Bentley's work, and rejoice.

The upright, chromed, grill and pontoon fenders running into the doors give this car class. It reeks of money and power.

I'm assuming, of course, that it's a good smell.

The rear is just as stylish.

The tops of the rear fenders, fins if you will, help channel airflow and stabilize the car at high speeds. Since it could go over 100mph, it was necessary.

Those small fins look really good too, don't they? A bit of flair, but with that sense of British restraint.

The interior is just what you'd expect.

Wood and leather, anything else is metal and just a little bit of plastic. Really, not much has changed in the British motor industry. Get into a new Rolls-Royce, or certain Bentleys, and you'll find the same things, just with modern technology.

In fact, a year ago, Bentley came out with a car that carries on in the R Continental's tradition.

The 2008 Bentley Brooklands:
It's gorgeous as well, but in its own, more muscular, way. The curves of the Continental are gone.

But it still combines styling, comfort, and power into one complete package.

Both the R Continental and Brooklands that perfect mix of performance and luxury. It's a mixture that, happily, makes overdrive necessary.

Ever Seen Bland Roll Down the Street?

Behold, a car that is blandness in physical form: the Daewoo Lanos (1997-2002).

This is, without a doubt, the most boring, hopeless and dreary car sold within the last ten years.

It's a Korean car, which were once known for making vehicles that displayed all the traits, and more, that I just mentioned. However, the newest Hyundais and Kias are getting better. Much better, actually.

This sad car is the definition of nondescript.

Get rid of the grill and it could be anything: a Ford, a Mazda, a Hyundai or a Kia.

People behind the Lanos had to be very, very careful. Prolonged exposure to this would instantly put them to sleep.

Now, surely, the interior would have something interesting, right?

No. Unless you call matte gray plastic fascinating. But, Daewoo knew this, and came up with a brilliant plan to improve the interior.


There. Isn't that just so much better? The fake stitched, faux vinyl, leather just really gives it some class.

All joking aside, economy cars are designed to fit a price. That's the reality.

But is it so difficult to give someone something nice to drive? Is there a reason why consumers can't have an attractive, cheap car? Why can't they have something nice to touch and look at when they're driving?

Companies need to remember that people are paying a lot of money for a new car. When manufacturers come out with something like this it looks like they don't care.

In fact, they likely don't.

But I might be expecting too much from the good people at Daewoo. They just don't have very good taste when it comes to design. I can prove it.

Just look at their logo.

It looks like a jockstrap.

When you see one of these, hit the gas, get away as quickly as you can. Because dullness is infectious.

Save your car, and remember that overdrive is necessary.